Quantcast

August 22, 2014


Nominees for the Republican Oscar Awards are in (Just For Fun)

Republican Oscars Oscar Award

The 2014 Republican Oscars (Oscar Award Nominees) It has been a very busy year so far. The crazy side of the Republican Party did not disappoint. In that light here are the nominees for The Republican Oscars. Put the winners in a message below. If you feel you have better nominees, why don’t you tell us who, what, and why. Oscar Award Nominees for Best False Story Benghazi was a cover  up. IRS targeted Tea Party organizations. Stimulus spending did not  work. Obamacare is  a government takeover of healthcare. Oscar Award Nominees for Best Actor Playing A Senator Ted Cruz (R - Texas) Marco Rubio (R - Florida) Jim Inhofe (R - Oklahoma) Mike Lee (R - Utah) Oscar Award Nominees for Best Actor Playing A Congressperson Michele Bachmann (R - Minnesota) Steve King (R - Iowa) Steve Stockman (R - Texas) Paul Broun (R - Georgia) Louie Gohmert (R - Texas) Oscar Award Nominees For Best Actor Playing A Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Samuel Alito Antonin … [Read more...]

Funny: Be Careful What You Say In The Library

Library

Jokes In The Library Take That!! A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?" The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT'S TOO MUCH!" All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people." … [Read more...]

Today’s Funny: MAN RULES

Man Rules

MAN RULES  AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN    WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES" FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE. THESE ARE OUR RULES! PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1.   MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. 1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN. 1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL. 1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST SAY IT! 1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.. 1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT.. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. 1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS. 1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US 1. … [Read more...]

FUNNY JOKE: Don’t force children to pray.

Children Pray

Don't Ask Children to Pray At dinner, a little boy was forced to lead the family into prayer... Little Boy: But I dont know how to pray Dad: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc Little Boy: "Dear Lord" he started, "thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work. AMEN Mom and Dad did not have dinner that evening. … [Read more...]

Jokes – Religious and Religiously Speaking

Good-Friday-3-Crosses_thumb.jpg

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store. GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up." DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms. THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the … [Read more...]

Assorted Jokes: There Is Definitely At Least One There For You

image.png

 Assorted Jokes SEX AT 79 I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71 So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road! Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." Aspire to inspire before you expire. My wife and I had words,but I didn't get to use mine. Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. Every … [Read more...]

FUNNY: Should children witness childbirth?

image.png

Should children witness childbirth?  A very good question indeed. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby... Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!' See More Jokes Here http://JokesIHeard.com   LIKE My Facebook Page – Visit My Blog: EgbertoWillies.com Follow @EgbertoWillies … [Read more...]

The Jamaican, The Barbadian (Bajan) & The Donkey (FUNNY)

image.png

Jamaican Barbadian Bajan Donkey Raffle Joke A Jamaican moved to Barbados and bought a donkey from an old Barbadian (Bajan) farmer for$100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the Bajan farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some really bad news. "The donkey is dead!" The Jamaican said, "That’s OK, just give me my money back." "No, I can't do that" said the farmer. "I spent the money already!" The Jamaican said, "Ok then, just leave the donkey with me then." "What are you going to do with it?" the Bajan farmer asked. Jamaican: "I am going to raffle the donkey." Bajan farmer: “You can't raffle a dead donkey!” Jamaican: "Yes, watch, I won’t tell anybody it is dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Jamaican and asked,"What 'happened with that dead donkey?" The Jamaican said, "The raffle was a huge success, I sold 1000 tickets at $2.00 per ticket and make a profit of $1,898.00." Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?" Jamaican: … [Read more...]

GAME OVER! Fukushima’s parting gift isn’t Turtle Wax: Absurdity Today, June 21, 2012

image.png

Fukushima, Private Prisons, and Paul Ryan's budget: What do these things have in common? Besides being part of a media blackout, and possibly 3 of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, they are all topics on this week's Absurdity Today, the weekly progressive news parody hosted by Julianna Forlano.   LIKE My Facebook Page Follow @EgbertoWillies … [Read more...]