Name: Kirstjen Nielsen
Qualification: Supremely White
Education: Marquis de Sade Prep School. Trump University, Graduate AF Degree
Profile: I Pride myself as a practicing pragmatist: “Do what thou wilt” is my credo. I am best known for: pride, carnality, Enlightened Sadism and cruelty towards children, liberty for some and undefiled wisdom. I credit my mentors for all my brown-nosing skills: Donald J Trump dented Prez and Santa Monica High School’s most shunned graduate Steven Miller, a divine role model.
Motivating Principles: My Guiding principle is that children, especially brown and black children, are innately rudderless and careless, respond best to aggressive and enlightened force as part of their daily care. These children are secretly sexual and are aching to act on these impulses. So I provide them with skilled guidance counselors to enhance their innate desires.
Experience: I am an expert toady and brown noser. Because I have immaculate white heritage which is why I was so brilliantly qualified to be the 6th United States Secretary of Homeland Security from December 6, 2017 to April 10, 2019 under the ancestral mountain of aggravated fat known as his Serene Highness, the Royal Order of the Girdle and Garter Donald J Trump, who I secretly hate but dare not say. While I served as the Un-Principalable to the dented Prez Donald Trump. I was without a doubt the best lemming in the pond, swam like an Olympic champion with all the snake and sharks, and informally and faithfully performed the role of Stiff and Staff since John F. Kelly became White House Chief of Staff.
Best friend and Mah-Jongg partner: Betsy DeVos
Secret crush: Betsy’s brother Erik Prince
Favorite hobby: reading Civil War literature about the Good Old Days of the Confederacy
Mobile Contact: 202 666–6666.
Ilene Proctor’s piece is fictional and funny. In these times making fun of a severe evil can relieve stress.